Dear Me

Guys. Remember this post? And then remember how awesome this advice is? (P.S. She has a book with the same title . . . go get it!) Well, turns out I was a bit ahead of the game with all the nostalgic advice to your younger self stuff. Emily at Chatting at the Sky has started a synchroblog project with the recent release of her book Graceful. I couldn’t resist joining the fun . . . 

Dear Me,
I know you’re starving for some wise insight about the world and the meaning of all the wonder and pain and beauty and mysteries and what your role in all of it is. If there ever was an opportunity to tell you, this would be it.
But, I still can’t tell you.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you.
What I can assure you of is this: it is all worth it.

At some point, probably in coordination with several events both life-changing and seemingly meaningless, you will learn to love the gift of life. You will forget the darkness that has covered much of your short life.
Your brain works too hard and too fast and no one out there can make sense of it all, not even you. You will still swim too far into the depths of your soul and mind—the part that never turns off and never accepts the easy answer; the part that is deepest, and therefore furthest from the light. You will also learn how to swim towards the surface where light permeates through, and you will learn how to do it on your own. You won’t look to other people or medication to give you the strength. You are so strong, girl. Remember this for your future self too . . . sometimes she forgets.
If I know you, and I do because well, I am you, you don’t really want to know the details and upcoming events of your life. You don’t need to know either. All I will tell you, the only thing that really matters to know is that you are blessed. You are happy.
Long-gone will be the fits of take your breath away agony. After your freshman year of college and the summer that follows, you will be free of your paralyzing emotional breakdowns. You’ll learn to stretch your legs out of fetal position and pick yourself up off the floor. You will stand tall with the knowledge and faith that once the storm rolls through, the air is clean and the soil is filled with nourishment for beautiful, healthy crops.
You have endured many storms, you will reap many crops.
I so know how hard it is to believe me right now. I know how impossible happiness seems. I know you think no one could possibly understand the foreverness of your sorrow. But I do, friend. I was there.
Soon, the clouds will part and the light will shine so bright and so warm and it will shoot through every part of you, down to your bones.
Just because you can look forward to the light, does not mean the struggles will all disappear. You will still question the complexities of life, and these endless questions will continue to bring heart-ache and frustration. I hope this never ends for you. I hope you always see the world with innocence and awe as you try to figure out what it all means. Anyone who says they've got it all figured out is either lying, or too lazy to keep exploring all the options. Don't stop exploring. Don't accept answers that do not make sense. Don't be afraid of what you do not understand.

Continue to advocate for the weak, the vulnerable, the lonely, the shy. Those are the people that will ultimately bring you the most joy. Their presence in your life will give you purpose. Don't be ashamed of your heart that just seems to "care too much." People tell you that because life has calloused them. You cannot care too much about anyone. Ever. Every time you feel the urge to say or do something kind for someone, do it. That is God talking right to you, in that very moment.

I won’t tell you to avoid any of the mistakes you are about to fall onto, and I won’t warn you of the obstacles you will have to overcome. Just endure. Where it leads you is exactly where you’ve always wanted to be . . . 

In the mean time, take more pictures.Start learning how to break the cycle of self-ridiculing and doubt. You are more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.

Continue to nurture your friendships. Sharing laughter and tears with those who are family- not by blood but by choice-- is one of life's greatest gifts.

When life starts to pull you all in so many different directions and you begin to feel lost and alone, reach out to them.. Be vulnerable with them. Make sure they know how grateful you are for their presence in your life.

Stay close to Connor. Friendships may come and go, but your family will always be there for you. Be there for them, too. 

Give your parents more credit; they may be a bit on the wild side, but they're the reason you turned out fun, smart, driven, witty, kind, funny, responsible, successful. Again, they've always been there for you. They'll always be there for you.

. . . Pay attention to the details and enjoy the journey, Morgan. It is so good.

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