And I know, that I am The Luckiest

title from this song

Sometimes I feel like my "private" personality has been a disservice to Jordan. We aren't very affectionate publicly, we often are mistaken for just friends, and sometimes, often times, I let an opportunity pass that I should have screamed from the rooftops how lucky and honored I am that Jordan chose me to be his wife.

seriously, how sweet can he be?

I just wanted to say, if only because he deserves everyone to know, his love has been the most healing remedy to any worries, doubts, insecurities, and sadness I've felt burdened with.

 

He is dreamy, and he is mine.

ready, setsy, visit my etsy

It's taken me way too long to finally get it going, but the always aplomb Etsy shop is up and running. It's still a work in progress, but items are up and ready to sell! Right now, I'm selling vintage ties. So, come one, come all-- Valentines day is rapidly approaching! ;)


Get your shop on at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/alwaysaplomb

Tiny Beautiful Things

I stumbled upon some advice today. It's magic, people.

{here are the highlights, as I see them. . .}

Dear Sugar,

I read your column religiously. I'm 22. From what I can tell by your writing, you're in your early 40s. My questions is short and sweet: what would you tell your 20-something self if you could talk to her now?

Love,
Seeking Wisdom


Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

Be brave enough to break your own heart.

There are some things you can’t understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It’s good you’ve worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith.

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you’ve gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purple balloons. She’ll offer you one of the balloons, but you won’t take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You’re wrong. You do.

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes.

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.

Say thank you.

Yours,
Sugar

***Full article here

I resolve . . .

. . . to be a better blogger this year. Seriously. I do. That's why I'll be changing things up a bit around here.


In other news, what's the fun in ringing in the new year without a few resolutions? Here's what I'm hoping to accomplish in 2012:


- graduate with my BS in social work-- 4 1/2 more months, baby!
- get a "big girl" job
- move out of Logan-- this place has been mighty good to us, but it's time for a change.
- save money-- I don't expect to have enough money to do or buy anything of worth, but I am excited to not put every penny earned towards a degree.
- travel-- I don't discriminate as to where that is. I have VERY low expectations. I will even accept Idaho.
- read-- textbooks do not count.
- get to know family members better (on both sides)-- the older I get, the more I realize just how precious family is.
- be a better friend-- I must say, I have always taken my role of "friend" very seriously, but who couldn't use an even awesome-r friend?
-find more inner-peace-- sounds all new-age and weird, I know. But while this blog may need a new direction, I never want to stop working on discovering what makes me fab-u-lous.
- say "I Love You" more


There are plenty more goals I have resolved to tackle, but they shall not be named on the internet at this time.


2012, I am SO looking forward to you; I have a feeling you will bring many surprises, lots of learning, and tons of fun. Eeeek! I'm so excited!

blogging sucks

Ugh. Who has time for this blogging stuff? Certainly not me. And certainly not for anything of worth. So..... here's one way I procrastinate doing all that important stuff................................



Try a Little Tenderness

I read a certain popular blog today, and I am irritated . . . One of those reasons being the way the author put some stranger on blast. Yuck. Therefore, I shant be guilty of doing the same, even though I want to scream at all of this person's followers and tell them to STOP READING THIS STUPID BLOG. (Chances are, most of you are indeed followers. Ugh.)

Anyhoozers. There were good things that transpired from reading that post:

• I saw a person from my past that gives me severe anxiety today, and memories of all the painful things I went through as a result of their actions and words came flooding back to me. I am often tempted to vent and tell the world how bad I was hurt by this person, but not anymore. All that will happen is that I'll be the one who ends up looking rude . . . and whiney.
• I read that post, and write this one from work-- a place where I deal with mean, crotchety, self-serving, entitled people for 8 hours a day, (jealous?) and right after I read the post, a very unsavory woman was here, taking her aggression and sleep-deprivation out on me. I was surprisingly motivated to take her crap, make her as happy as possible, and refrain from drowning in self-doubt. (I tend to let mean people make ME feel bad for who I am, when really . . . blah. Who are they?!)

Anyway, while this post isn't the greatest display of my aspirations, I never ever EVER want my blog to be dedicated to my personal woes and complaints. How old does that get? SO. If, as lovely readers, anyone feels I'm standing a little too long on any sort of Negative-Nancy soap box, please kindly let me know. I know how annoying that can be.

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready*

*I have no idea why this came to my head when I was thinking of a title. Somewhere in my subconsious, I'm ready for the school year, I suppose . . . That, and I also like to repeat irritating sayings to Jordan. Thanks to his least favorite cartoon for this one.

It wasn't until I decided that I would write and "end of summer wrap-up" that I realized this is my last true summer e.v.e.r.

What a depressing note to end on, eh?

This made me think: if I would've been more limin, would I have done things differently this summer?

Answer is (luckily) no.

Jordan and I packed in as much fun and travel and lallygagging as anyone young/cool/envy-worthy could.

Highlights from this summer include:

• celebrating our one year anniversary in Park City
• camping
• playing with little brothers (on both sides)
• Bear Lake
• game nights
• buying Jordan's man-truck
• motorcycle/man-truck/late night drives
• too many frozen yogurts
• countless trips to SLC
• play dates with my mom
• finding treasures at my grandpa's house
• baseball games
• gardening (our vegetable planting endeavors were much more successful this year than last-- I guess we're just so much more domestic with a year of marriage behind us)

Things we'll be forgetting about our summer:

• getting hit (both of our cars)
• nasty neighbors
• sleepless nights (our apartment cools down to a chilly 82 degrees at night)
• working different schedules
• family drama
• 2 James' admitted to the ER

Summer was delightful and fun-filled. Let's hope we'll be able to say the same about senior year (eek!)

Are You Smarter than a College Senior?

In thirty years I imagine I'll look back on my twenty-year-old self and have insights on life that I would wish I would've known back then. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of wasting my thoughts and time with insignificant worries, I think about the life lessons I will learn and the wisdom I'll have acquired.

• While standing on the outside looking in, the life of those around may look perfectly in sync with that of a dreamy fairytale; this will very rarely be true. We all want to display only the best parts of ourselves, our loved ones and the relationship we have with them, the adventures we encounter, and the life we lead. Few people's life is more glamorous, fulfilling, or happy than the one you live. Quit comparing yourself to others-- often, from their perspective, the grass is greener in your neck of the woods anyway.

• When you are loved, love back. If you're not loved, love anyway.

• There will always be work, cleaning, and sleep to be caught up on. Take the fun when it comes.

• Happiness is only real when shared. 

• Tomorrow is never a guarantee. Suck the marrow out of each day. And while we're on the subject . . . sometimes your practicality needs to lay low. Stop getting caught up in thinking, "what does this really matter?" Instead, do and be and see and get what you love simply because in that moment, it makes you happy. Sure, you could die tomorrow, but do you really want to spend your last day living in logic, rather than love and life and fun?

• Don't be driven by guilt, and don't use guilt to get what you want from others.

• Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Hold your head high, believe in yourself.

I'm sure as I continue to mature, and strap life lessons under my belt, my list will grow. I'll continue to document them, if only to remind myself how to live my best life. For now, these things give me plenty to work on.

What are your life lessons? What is my list missing?

The Un-kindness of Strangers

I've learned a lot about life, and people since coming to college. I've had my trust abused, my kindness has been exploited, and my sensitivity has been a tool others use to hurt me. I've learned that there really are some people out there that are vicious and manipulative for unknown reasons.


A few months after I moved up to college is when I first learned of the painful consequences of other people's choices and words. Actually, I think it was the cruelty of many around me that resulted in the strong relationship I formed with Jordan. He became the welcoming arms and open ears that, outside of my family, no one else wanted to be for me. I learned to trust him, lean on him, and obviously, love him in a way as complete and genuine as a 17-year-old girl knows how.


This month has proven to be quite difficult for Jordan and me; we've been the target of other's anger and dishonesty. I've found myself feeling the way I did two years ago-- and that's a very dark and lonely place to be in. I questioned my worth, the existence of anything good, and the value of friendships.


This time though, things are different. Not only do I have the security of a lasting and committed relationship, but I have good friends, and a better awareness of who I am.

I am not defined by other people's opinions of me and I don't want to base the opinion of myself off of the opinions others have of me.

I am kind.
I am genuine.
I am giving.

I know better than to tear people down like they try to do to me-- even if it is deserved.

And those things make me a pretty decent person.

Total-ly

You know what I love?

Car accidents.

Especially those that total your car. Especially when it's not your fault.

This brings our lucky number to 3 cars totaled in 2 years . . . All thanks to other drivers.

Jealous? I didn't think so.

P.S. Just wanna do a little "praise Jesus" shout-out that no one has ever gotten hurt . . . Hopefully that luck won't ever run out!