what's done is done

A few weeks ago I was feeling a bit sad.

A lot was going on in my social-circle back in Utah, and I was disappointed I wasn't there for it all. Memories came flooding back to me and I was all nostalgic and reminiscent and dramatic and a pathetic mess.

Then, as if  God was speaking to me through PostSecret, I saw this:

And I remembered-- I was freaking depressed back then. I hated my life. I was on medication. I cried all the time. What on earth do I think was so great about that time in my life?!

labor-free Labor Day

Did I mention that Jordan got a JOB? Did I mention that job has a SALARY? Well, there you have it. He's just so grown up these days. Oh, and I think I also forgot to note that I got a 4.0 my first quarter of grad school. Wooohoooo! We were feeling pretty proud of ourselves, so we took a mini-vacay during the long weekend to celebrate and explore different parts of Washington. Friday night we saw DMB at The Gorge Amphitheater. Can you say Dream Come True?! We decided to sit in the general admission seating because um, hello? The view was amazing. Also, we had to pay $9 a hot dog, soooo. Gotta save money somewhere. It was a great concert, but I was bit transfixed by the crazy lady in front of us doing things that shouldn't be explained on this here blog. I'm telling you though . . . she was outtahermind-psycho. I wish I could've focused better on the music, and not the naked person.

^ don't worry, this is not the lady referred to above^
Also, please forgive me for the terrible iPhone picture. They certainly don't capture the fabulousness of the view. 

Saturday we drove around the apple orchards, and went to a cute little shop called Cider Works. We also went to Ohme Gardens. 

The Evergreen State Fair was going on in Monroe, so of course we went to that. It was a great way to spend our last weekend before Jordan had to start waking up and being all professional and such. 

tomatoes make me emotional, ok?

A surprise package arrived today . . .

I've never been so excited.

Homegrown maters, right huuuur, people. Randy's homegrown Utah tomatoes. You haven't lived until you've had a taste of this perfection. 

I immediately ate almost half, and then wiped away little tears that spew from the well of homesickness dwelling in my heart. 

We've eaten more delectable produce than ever before since we've been in Washington, but I still crave the comfort of my dad's garden goods. 

Did you ever think anyone would have so much to say about tomatoes? 

Anywhoozers, I think I better go have some tomatoes on toast. YUM.

handsome, kind, and fully educated

He did it!!! I'm so proud of him.

Since Jordan wouldn't be able to walk at graduation, or even have a party with friends and family (yes-- we are total loners here), I planned a surprise graduation "ceremony" for just the two of us. Cheesy? Maybe a bit. But celebrate we must; it's been long 5 years getting here.

I ordered a couple t-shirts about a month ago, along with a cap and custom tassel. He was ordered to put on his attire, and listen for his cue. I gave a personalized speech, presented him with his diploma, and he threw his cap into the air ceiling. It really was so much fun celebrating his amazing accomplishment. Love you, my college grad. You are so smart-- now you have the paper to prove it!

this picture cracks me up . . . he looks all emotional

back from hiatus

School has officially started and we're experiencing and seeing too much not to document some of it. So, I'm back with pictures from our last "hoorah" before school started. We went to Mount Rainier National Park, and it was beautiful, of course. Also very buggy; I'm still itching. BUT, it was definitely fun and the best way to spend my last day of freedom. Thanks to J-Dub for planning the day. He's just the best.

unfiltered beauty

My in-laws were going to come up this past week, but ended up bailing. So, my parents made a last minute trip up, and we spent 2.5 awesome days exploring. Friday we spent the day at Olympic National Park, including the Hoh Rainforest. If green wasn't already my favorite color, I would've been converted. 

Saturday we spent the day with my brother and sister-in-law who also came up for the holiday. Her brother lives in Kirkland, and they visit him frequently. He took us out on Lake Washington and Lake Union in his boat to see parts of the city we would never get to experience otherwise. It was such an unexpected and wonderful day. 

So many pictures to choose from, and so much indescribable beauty. I wish I could take everyone I know to these places. 

from top left to bottom right (no filters, special effects, editing, etc!!):

lookout point on the way to Hurricane Ridge (see the ocean back there?) // greeeeeeeen // he fits! // bridge to Marymere // more massive trees // Hurricane Ridge overlooks both the US and Canada // Marymere Falls// yet another picturesque bridge // sunlit forest

I'm so grateful to my parents who showed such support and love by coming to spend time with us. Having them up here was the best of all worlds-- I got to be surrounded by family in some of the most stunning places on earth. 

life by the sea

I'm learning to love this city. 

a tour of my closets and other significant things

Isn't being busy the lamest excuse ever for not doing something? Everyone's in the same busy boat, I know. I really just need to step up my blogging game. Whoopsies.

Lots of things have happened since I last posted: Our 3rd anniversary (say what?!), both of our last days at work, being deathly ill, and moving to a foreign land! Anywhoozers, we are moved into our apartment, and adjusting to our life in Seattle.

I am realizing more and more that Utah is a planet all it's own. Every single day there's something totally new or different to me, which is equal parts fascinating, exciting, and terrifying. 

I'm liking our apartment more each day as we put things away and my anxiety disorder settles. The closets are probably the best part of this place. They are huge. Like, I don't even want to show pictures because the massiveness of the closet displays the piddly-ness of my wardrobe. Meh. That fact is obvious when anyone sees me in real life anyway.

A more complete house-tour to follow. Maybe.

And now more riveting facts about the wonders of our life . . . 

• Our milk carton looks like this:

• This is a wonderful picture of the view out our windows:

It's really much more magical and interesting in real life. Swear. You can also see several bridges that lead to the city, and more of the city-scape. 

• We walked through a mall the other day to get to Target. And I pushed a cart all the way through. We then brilliantly realized there's a private entrance which does not require one to push a cart through said shopping mall. I felt so cool.

• I completely understand why people get pets now. If I didn't have Jordan here with me in this new, busy, noisy city, I would totally break the strict "no pets" policy at our complex. I wouldn't survive without some sort of companion!

• We pay $125 a month to park over 3 blocks DOWNHILL from our apartment. Ask me how fun bringing groceries in is.

• I feel like at all times, no matter where you go, you can see water. It's like the mountains in Utah. I actually really love living by the water. And man, does it keep the temperature much cooler. Love.

• Speaking of water . . . I think the tap water smells/tastes like pool water. I really do love a chlorine-y smelling shower. Jordan reports he gets more of a "hose water" flavor, which is much less pleasant.

So, there are some very important facts about the area. I think this is one of those posts that you read and think The information just bestowed on me has made me much more cultured, and sophisticated. And to that I say You're welcome.

Really though, I'm going to get my life in order so I can give more regular and exciting updates. Get ready to hold onto your panties.

a memorable Memorial

Jordan and I got to escape with a couple of my coworkers and their kids up to majestic Yellowstone. I don't think either of us have ever experienced such an eventful vacation!

As we were getting ready to leave, both Connor and my coworker Rachel called with car troubles. Jordan, as usual, rescued the day on both fronts. After helping Connor for a few hours, he changed out Rachel's alternator and we got on the road at midnight. Luckily, we got to catch a few ZZZ's in Pocatello before continuing our trip Saturday morning. 

There were so many highlights and memories made during the trip. 

Saturday:

- Hebgen Lake
- more car troubles . . . Rachel discovered a nail in her tire
- touring Rachel's family's property, and meeting a small fraction of her humongous, and incredibly kind family
- arriving first at the scene after a terrible accident (and a dead Bison . . . and then being stranded on the side of the road, outside the car, as the herd came to mourn their loss/almost kill the humans responsible)
- Coyote

Sunday:

- spending the whole day in the park
- Bear sightings! (a Black and Grizzly)
- watching a herd of Bison run away from said bears, start fighting, and nearly gore a fisherman to death before he whipped them away with his fishing pole
- super cool Coyote sighting; He showed off for the tourists for quite a few minutes before retreating back to the woods
- double rainbows
- gorgeous Yellowstone Lake
- so many waterfalls

Monday: 

- shopping in West Yellowstone
- seeing Jordan's grandparent's old cabin at Mack's Inn
- Big Springs (probably one of the most stunningly beautiful places I've ever seen)
- Lisa and Hunter joining Jordan and me for the ride home, and laughing the whole time

I am so lucky to have been placed at an office with people I truly adore. Perhaps it's the work we're all doing that has driven us together . . . some sort of trauma bond or something, but whatever the reason, I feel the friendships I've made with them have been some of the best in my life. Leaving them is going to be one of the hardest parts about moving away. They've been family to me. I'm so grateful to have had the chance to spend this time with them.

From top left to bottom right:

Gibbon Falls // Big Springs // Old Faithful //

The Grand Canyon of Yellowstone //

a different area of Big Springs (I'm telling you . . . I'm obsessed) // skipping rocks at Hebgen Lake

leaning into the discomfort

We are down to the final weeks before we pick up our lives and move away from everything we know; I can't stand how excited I am! I feel overwhelmed with gratitude, and fear, to be making this change in my life. 

There are certain dreams I've had that I put in the "fantasy" category, as opposed to making them goals. Getting admitted to my dream school was definitely a fantasy I didn't expect to come true. Since it did, I feel there's almost no alternative to going, no matter the costs. 

One of my biggest challenges in growing up has been embracing change. I'm a "baptism by fire" kinda gal, so I figure there's almost no better way to deal with my fear of change than this. I hope all proves worthwhile. I have a feeling it will . . . 

this post is TMI. . . don't say you weren't warned

Once upon a time, I briefly touched on the fact that my womanly time had been a bit skiwampus.

Well, a year later, I'm afraid things may be a bit more serious than skiwampus. I think it's time I find out what's wrong with me.

I have a few theories as to my never-ending bleeding:

1. ovarian cysts
2. endometriosis
3. cancer

Ok, in all reality, it's probably closer along the lines of theory #4: crazy hormones. Whatever is going on, I'm hopeful there's an "easy fix" and that life will become a bit more . . . regular. 

an announcement

via

thanks, Steve

Just trying to keep this in mind lately.

I am good.

I am worthy.

I am enough.



an invitation to battle

I think it's clear who won.

My Valentine

I know all the cool kids hate Valentine's Day, but I just can't deny my excitement every.single.year. I feel like my love affair with V-Day is pretty objective because before Jordan, I never had a beau to share in the festivities with. (That's what happens when you marry your first love.) 

I think any reason we're given to show love is certainly worth celebration. Sure, the romantic aspect is lovely and all, but spreading love everywhere makes me so happy and excited there's not even a word for it. Now that Jordan has come along, I have even more reasons to love the holiday for love. 

As I try to contain my giddiness this year, I can't help but reminisce over the last 4.5 years I've had with Jordan. I like to avoid the cheesiness and the cliches people fall into when talking about those they care about, but I never want anyone, including Jordan, to doubt my love and adoration for him. . . so sue me. I'm a little TMI on occasion.

*****
I met Jordan August 16, 2008. I was busy moving everything I owned into my shared room at Valley View Tower-- room 611, and trying to send an aura of confidence, maturity, and fun out to my new friends. And then . . .

There he was.

Now here's where to many, my story loses credit (but to everyone, it gets really gagorific):

I insistently knew the boy who's name I didn't even know yet would somehow change the course of my life, forever. I've never felt that feeling before, or since.

Because I hadn't ever experienced that, I didn't give those feelings much worth. I introduced myself as I had to a gagillion other people that day, and carried on.

As the day continued, I heard the girls whispering and giggling-- all declaring they would be the one to win thecutestboytheyhaveeverseen's love. I of course, would never follow the crowd. I also know better than to get between a girl and the future love of her life.*

After everyone got settled, a bunch of us started playing games. We were in the middle of Apples to Apples when Jordan came over. Soon after, my mom called. Jordan was sitting next to me, so I asked him to take my place while I went to talk. 

He gave me the death stare, and refused.

death stare

Awkward . . . 


I thought even the possibility of friendship was lost with this sir-cranks-a-lot. I was over it though. I don't fight for love or acceptance from those who don't want to offer it freely to me. The girls continued to swoon over him and I kept my distance. 

As the drama heightened between the crowds of females throwing themselves at him, and as I avoided getting in the middle of anything, we found friendship. I'd get him dates, and he'd come over in the early hours of the morning to tell me about them. We'd go to the basement to laugh and talk and sometimes just sit in silence. That was the perfection of our friendship. We had no expectations, and yet felt more satisfied with our time together than the time we spent with anyone else. 

By October, I had decided I was tired of seeing him go out with other girls, and he decided to fess up that he didn't want to be going on dates with anyone but me. . . 


*the operative word in this sentence being know. I know, now. Kinda caused a few issues back then. But it was all worth it. I get to come home to the kindest soul every day, and I don't want anything but that.

kindness counts

The Birthday Project is an awesome movement that I've waited a few years to be able to do. This year, I finally get to take part.

I'll be doing 22 acts of love; one for each year I've been alive. I'd love to invite anyone to join me in this project-- maybe as a little birthday present to me! ;)

Let's spread the love.

welcome

My name is Morgan and I'm a doormat.

That's what everyone at work tells me.

You see, working at an agency that deals with this population of people, and that is organized. . . in the way that it is . . . has really highlighted my personality traits.

There have been several circumstances lately with my superiors as well as clients that have my coworkers whispering in the halls "She is too nice. She needs to be more assertive. She will never make it around here if she doesn't become more calloused. BlahbibityblahblahBLAH."

People tell me my perspective on life will change over the years. And I certainly believe it will. But I hope not in the way that they're implying. 

I do not believe compassion and kindness equals stupidity. I don't believe finding the goodness in people and situations makes one inexperienced or naive. I believe choosing to find light in the darkest of places is the very definition of strength. 

The cynicism of those around me has only made me more bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I've been the recipient of plenty of hateful and cruel behaviors, intended to make me feel less. I know how it feels, and I never want to do the same to others. I learned early in life that everyone you come across is fighting a silent battle. 

So wipe those shoes all over me.

Annnnd here are some pictures of my office because no one reads posts without pictures. It's a proven fact. And everyone wants to see where I spend my life, Monday through Friday, 8-5. I'm just sure of it.

Pretty classy joint, eh? 

13 is my lucky number

Last year I made some resolutions. It's time to report my results, and look forward to the new year.

1. You better bet your bottom I am now a college graduate! Graduation was May 5 (which I didn't attend), and I landed my first "big girl job" May 14. 
2. Refer to above; working for DCFS has certainly taught me a lot. I mean, a ton. Not only about my field, but myself. 
3. We are now residents of the SL,UT once again. I have to laugh a bit at these first few goals, because at the time I was so freaking excited for all the changes 2012 would bring me. Now, with so many responsibilities on my plate, I so miss my life a year ago. Full of fun, socializing, sleeping, little Logan . . . an overall much simpler life. When will I ever learn to enjoy the "now"?! 
4. Jordan and I definitely have more expenses at this point in our life, but I do feel a bit more financially stable. We've been able to build our credit, make big purchases, and pay down some debts. I've been really committed to saving a percentage of every pay check, and my new addiction is watching our savings account grow.
5. One of my favorite memories with Jordan to date was our California trip during spring break. Jordan was scared out of his little mind to take the Infiniti on a road trip, but we talk about how much fun we had during that trip at least once a month. Now that we have a new car, Jordan is especially insistent that we go on more road trips. And I'm not arguing!
6. I did read more, but still not as much as I would have liked. My to-read list is growing too, so I think this is a goal I'll carry on through 2013.
7 & 8. I've really worked on all my relationships; with that said, this is a goal that I don't feel has an end to. I want to always do and be better to those around me. The thing I am hardest on myself about is the way I treat others. I want to be kinder, I want to be softer. I want to be less judgmental, more giving. 
9. Gee whillikers, this is another one without a measurable outcome. Sometimes I feel pretty awesome about myself, and other days, I feel so little. I keep going though, and I think that's worth something . . . 
10. I hope those in my life never doubt my love for them. I am so lucky, and so grateful.

As far as 2013 goes, I'm simplifying my list. 

- Do something big that scares me. Something that doesn't feel like "Morgan."
- Finish 3 whole books. I know it sounds pathetic, but I have about 107 partially read books. I need to finish something!
- Get off soda. As was noted last March somewhere along the way in my relationship with Jordan, I picked up the ridiculous soda habit. I gotta kick it.
- Cook more, and be more inventive/adventurous in my cooking.

I really am giddy about this year. It definitely feels like 2013 will prove to be lucky.