blogging sucks

Ugh. Who has time for this blogging stuff? Certainly not me. And certainly not for anything of worth. So..... here's one way I procrastinate doing all that important stuff................................



Try a Little Tenderness

I read a certain popular blog today, and I am irritated . . . One of those reasons being the way the author put some stranger on blast. Yuck. Therefore, I shant be guilty of doing the same, even though I want to scream at all of this person's followers and tell them to STOP READING THIS STUPID BLOG. (Chances are, most of you are indeed followers. Ugh.)

Anyhoozers. There were good things that transpired from reading that post:

• I saw a person from my past that gives me severe anxiety today, and memories of all the painful things I went through as a result of their actions and words came flooding back to me. I am often tempted to vent and tell the world how bad I was hurt by this person, but not anymore. All that will happen is that I'll be the one who ends up looking rude . . . and whiney.
• I read that post, and write this one from work-- a place where I deal with mean, crotchety, self-serving, entitled people for 8 hours a day, (jealous?) and right after I read the post, a very unsavory woman was here, taking her aggression and sleep-deprivation out on me. I was surprisingly motivated to take her crap, make her as happy as possible, and refrain from drowning in self-doubt. (I tend to let mean people make ME feel bad for who I am, when really . . . blah. Who are they?!)

Anyway, while this post isn't the greatest display of my aspirations, I never ever EVER want my blog to be dedicated to my personal woes and complaints. How old does that get? SO. If, as lovely readers, anyone feels I'm standing a little too long on any sort of Negative-Nancy soap box, please kindly let me know. I know how annoying that can be.

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready*

*I have no idea why this came to my head when I was thinking of a title. Somewhere in my subconsious, I'm ready for the school year, I suppose . . . That, and I also like to repeat irritating sayings to Jordan. Thanks to his least favorite cartoon for this one.

It wasn't until I decided that I would write and "end of summer wrap-up" that I realized this is my last true summer e.v.e.r.

What a depressing note to end on, eh?

This made me think: if I would've been more limin, would I have done things differently this summer?

Answer is (luckily) no.

Jordan and I packed in as much fun and travel and lallygagging as anyone young/cool/envy-worthy could.

Highlights from this summer include:

• celebrating our one year anniversary in Park City
• camping
• playing with little brothers (on both sides)
• Bear Lake
• game nights
• buying Jordan's man-truck
• motorcycle/man-truck/late night drives
• too many frozen yogurts
• countless trips to SLC
• play dates with my mom
• finding treasures at my grandpa's house
• baseball games
• gardening (our vegetable planting endeavors were much more successful this year than last-- I guess we're just so much more domestic with a year of marriage behind us)

Things we'll be forgetting about our summer:

• getting hit (both of our cars)
• nasty neighbors
• sleepless nights (our apartment cools down to a chilly 82 degrees at night)
• working different schedules
• family drama
• 2 James' admitted to the ER

Summer was delightful and fun-filled. Let's hope we'll be able to say the same about senior year (eek!)

Are You Smarter than a College Senior?

In thirty years I imagine I'll look back on my twenty-year-old self and have insights on life that I would wish I would've known back then. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of wasting my thoughts and time with insignificant worries, I think about the life lessons I will learn and the wisdom I'll have acquired.

• While standing on the outside looking in, the life of those around may look perfectly in sync with that of a dreamy fairytale; this will very rarely be true. We all want to display only the best parts of ourselves, our loved ones and the relationship we have with them, the adventures we encounter, and the life we lead. Few people's life is more glamorous, fulfilling, or happy than the one you live. Quit comparing yourself to others-- often, from their perspective, the grass is greener in your neck of the woods anyway.

• When you are loved, love back. If you're not loved, love anyway.

• There will always be work, cleaning, and sleep to be caught up on. Take the fun when it comes.

• Happiness is only real when shared. 

• Tomorrow is never a guarantee. Suck the marrow out of each day. And while we're on the subject . . . sometimes your practicality needs to lay low. Stop getting caught up in thinking, "what does this really matter?" Instead, do and be and see and get what you love simply because in that moment, it makes you happy. Sure, you could die tomorrow, but do you really want to spend your last day living in logic, rather than love and life and fun?

• Don't be driven by guilt, and don't use guilt to get what you want from others.

• Nothing is more attractive than confidence. Hold your head high, believe in yourself.

I'm sure as I continue to mature, and strap life lessons under my belt, my list will grow. I'll continue to document them, if only to remind myself how to live my best life. For now, these things give me plenty to work on.

What are your life lessons? What is my list missing?

The Un-kindness of Strangers

I've learned a lot about life, and people since coming to college. I've had my trust abused, my kindness has been exploited, and my sensitivity has been a tool others use to hurt me. I've learned that there really are some people out there that are vicious and manipulative for unknown reasons.


A few months after I moved up to college is when I first learned of the painful consequences of other people's choices and words. Actually, I think it was the cruelty of many around me that resulted in the strong relationship I formed with Jordan. He became the welcoming arms and open ears that, outside of my family, no one else wanted to be for me. I learned to trust him, lean on him, and obviously, love him in a way as complete and genuine as a 17-year-old girl knows how.


This month has proven to be quite difficult for Jordan and me; we've been the target of other's anger and dishonesty. I've found myself feeling the way I did two years ago-- and that's a very dark and lonely place to be in. I questioned my worth, the existence of anything good, and the value of friendships.


This time though, things are different. Not only do I have the security of a lasting and committed relationship, but I have good friends, and a better awareness of who I am.

I am not defined by other people's opinions of me and I don't want to base the opinion of myself off of the opinions others have of me.

I am kind.
I am genuine.
I am giving.

I know better than to tear people down like they try to do to me-- even if it is deserved.

And those things make me a pretty decent person.

Total-ly

You know what I love?

Car accidents.

Especially those that total your car. Especially when it's not your fault.

This brings our lucky number to 3 cars totaled in 2 years . . . All thanks to other drivers.

Jealous? I didn't think so.

P.S. Just wanna do a little "praise Jesus" shout-out that no one has ever gotten hurt . . . Hopefully that luck won't ever run out!

One Year Down, Eternity to Go

When you feel scared, hold someone's hand and look into their eyes. And when you feel brave, do the same thing.


- Amy Poehler

One year ago, at just 19 years old,  I decided that I loved Jordan enough to be by his side for longer than my mind can begin to comprehend . . . I trusted him to do the same for me. I remember being hand-in-hand, looking in his eyes swelling with liquid happiness and thinking "together, we can do anything." It was the most magical day of my life. 

That boy has made me a believer of happily ever after. He has shown me what I want my mark left in the world to look like and given me strength enough to evolve to be that person. While there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about our special day, one year later, I realize: everyday is a special day with him. 


Jordan, I _____________ you even more today. If only "forever" lasted a bit longer . . . 

True Love

"What if I got so fat I couldn't even get out of bed?"

"I would still love you . . . You are the love of my life."

Are you crying? I am.

riddle me this, Shakespeare

I am rarely called by my real name. I don't even correct people anymore; rather, I create new personalities to fit my new identity: if I were named Rachel I'd be naturally brunette, a feisty dancer, and you better bet I'm totally the most popular girl in school. Oh, and Daniel-- the hot soccer player? Yeah well, we've been going steady since sophomore year. Ka-POW. I may or may not have an imagination far too active for my age.

Names I'm frequently called are:

• Megan-- understandable.
• Jordan-- rhyme-y, I get it . . . and it's cute to think that me and my husband COULD HAVE THE SAME NAME!
• James-- my maiden name. Every secretary I've ever come across thinks I'm a man until we meet. Then the breasts give me away.
• Jamie-- having two man names really throws people off. Now I have 3. Ugh.
• Lauren-- I guess it could kinda sound like Morgan?
• Taylor-- loooooong story. My friend growing up was Taylor James Morgan . . . that should explain enough.

Today however, I received a new pet-name.

From now on, call me Wanda. But please don't . . . how ugly is that? No offense, you Wanda's out there.

I still got it

I received these at work yesterday:

If Jordan hadn't been bringing me dinner at the time, I probably would have been back in room 110 having a wild affair with a middle-aged construction worker whose hair reached down to his bottom.


Oh, the hot dates that husband of mine ruins.

I found my next pet

Presence in the Present

I am often guilty of dwelling on the past. I'm sure it's been noted by anyone who reads this due to my pathetic, reminiscent ramblings lately. Rather than being grateful for the moment I'm experiencing and appreciating it's goodness at the time it's occurring, I wait for about 3-7 years and reflect back in desperation to return to the days I was skinny(ish) or when Jordan and I were first dating or when I would spend nearly every day hiking the beautiful canyons surrounding Salt Lake or when I was a "straight A" student or when I fillintheblank. 


I've had a revelation, though:


I am not that 16-year-old high school girl anymore. 


Genius, eh?


Really though, it is. I am seeing how I have evolved. My beliefs and outlook on life have been altered, and with it, my goals, my experiences, my interests, my relationships, and ultimately, who I am and who I want to become. 


Life wouldn't look the same even if I had failed to grow, to learn, to change . . . because everyone around me has done so. It has been difficult to realize and come to terms with the fact that my relationships have changed and will indeed never be the same. BUT, in the midst of mourning the loss of "the way things were," others have stepped in. Really stellar people that have blessed my life with needed lessons and answers . . . 


Essentially, my point is that even though it has been a rough road at times, and although life doesn't look anything like I had imagined or planned, I am so grateful for where my life has taken me, and the place I'm at now. I am finally learning how to take in each savory moment, and relish it for all that it's worth. I am blessed. Life is so good. I wouldn't change a thing. Except, you know, those extra pounds, of course.

Role Reversal

I crawled into bed quickly to be consumed by the scent of flowery perfume. 

Then it occurred to me that every morning at 5 a.m. when Jordan claims to be going to work, he was really going to see his mistress. It could be the only explanation. 

I started gathering evidence to persecute him; I sniffed him everywhere to discover where exactly this woman had been rubbing up against him. His armpits? Odd. She must like his muscular arms. 

Suddenly, I realized . . . he must have worn the Secret deodorant we have in the bathroom.

I was wearing Degree Sport. 

My Famous Husband

With the semester over, I've found myself with an awful lot of free-time.

How do fill these hours once dedicated to productive activities you ask?

Netflix, duh.

This is how I discovered I am married to a famous singingfootballplayerheartthrob.

Enter Finn Hudson

   

Yep. I have officially found my first celebrity crush.

I get bored at work

Tell me this isn't the hilarious. I dare you.

Gaylellen

Doesn't everyone think their mom is the best ever? Well, too bad for everyone else, in my case it's true.


Even though she can cause many an awkward moment, and despite her oddities, one day, I want to be just as hilarious and kind and loving and giving and wonderful as she is. 


She's undoubtedly the very best. Love you, mama.

Bosom Buddies

I'm sure everyone has gotten the mass email about people coming into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime; I've been thinking about the many reasons and seasons over my lifetime . . . 


While the relationship between females can change from day to day, generally based on hormone levels, I can say that as a general rule, those I've decided to truly trust and open up to are lifers for me. I have become so grateful for the few that continue to shape the person I am, who I want to become, and that share their life and love with me. 


You gals that have dealt and stuck with me even throughout all those crazy hormones-- thank you. I cherish our friendship and love each of you deeply.


Sorry for all the cheese lately.... I get super corny when I'm feeling nostalgic.

21 never looked so good

This handsome guy had a birthday yesterday . . . 

I'm grateful for that day 21 years ago he came into the world, and the day 3 years ago that he came into mine.


To the best person I've ever met : 


Happy Birthday


I love you, I am proud of you, and I am honored to be a part of your life.

Everybody's Free

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.


-- Mary Schmich

All I Really Need to Know I Learned from Disney (sometimes)

Rapunzel: What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?

Flynn: It will be.

Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?

Flynn: Well, that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

I think it's finally time I make some new dreams...

Connie Poo-Poos

My little brother is pretty much my best friend. Really. He is hilarious and smart and driven and kind and the only real reason I ever go back home. (sorry mom)


He turned 17 yesterday, and on Friday he won for SBO at his high school for next year.... I'm just so jealous of how cool he is.


Doesn't this picture exemplify his awesomeness?

OK, but seriously. I love that boy.

we didn't intentionally match... it just adds to our preciousness.

Happy birthday and congratulations to my uber amazing lurp.

how sweet it is

just so you know... there is no point to this post.


I'm a reallll big fan of feeling like I've got everything under control, and content with everything going on in life. And that's how things are right now.


Sometimes I get these epiphanies where I look at my life, and realize.... I've got it good. I know this time of our life will be one I always I look back on and miss. That knowledge makes me want to savor these moments and say "thank you, universe."


Today, Jordan came home from work early, took me to breakfast, and napped with me until my next class. We had no worries, no obligations, and nothing better or more fulfilling to do than to spend unadulterated time together in a warm bed in a quiet apartment.


For that, I am grateful.

technilogically impaired

this is what I look like anytime I use technology these days....





leave me my indoor plumbing, electricity, and a car.... everything else can go.

look how it shines for you

My grandma recently died due to complications from dementia, and my mom has been remodeling her house. She had this piece in her kitchen that she salvaged from my g-mama's home when Marjie moved to an assisted living center once her illness got too intense to manage:

I forgot to take pictures pre-sanding and such, so it was in a bit better shape than this, but not much... 

can you see the old-school handles? Vintage, but not quite right for what I was going for.

Anyway, she was going to get rid of this, and I just had to have it. Of course, it would need some work, but it's all wood, and full of history and character. There are so many little details that aren't replicated in furniture nowadays. Who could pass up a piece like that? 

Jordan took me down to Salt Lake at 8 o'clock on a Wednesday night (never mind that he had to work at 5 the next morning), we loaded it up, and drove straight back up to Logan.  

Hours of sanding, cleaning, and painting later, I finally finished this family heirloom.

Jordan likes it because "now we need a bigger TV"

I love keeping things in the family, and luckily, I've gotten so many awesome things from my grandma. She had great (and expensive) taste, so we have some classy things for poor newlywed students. (Ew, that sounded arrogant.... really, that was a compliment to Majorie B, not me!) I miss her so much, but I'm glad to have pieces of her memory scattered throughout our little home. 

paint= Canary Song by Glidden

knobs= Hobby Lobby

(where is Spring) Break

Let's let the pictures do the talking today.

We're bummed we have to leave this place early tomorrow. 

You've been good to us, Wyoming.

(pray we don't die on our way home tomorrow!)

the beauty of cable t.v.

Since so much is going on, (and Jordan is asleep-- how rude!) I figured I better update this while I have time... Two posts in one day (or should I say hour), even on vacation? Wha? 


As I mentioned in the last post, we're in Jackson right now. While we're having all kinds of fun, perhaps one of the best things is lying in bed watching t.v. We don't have it at the apartment, and I'm beginning to wonder why....


I've discovered the perfection that is "Heavily Ever After" on TLC, and Lifetime's "Coming Home".


After a high school senior, soon-to-be college football player was reunited with his dad who's been serving in Afghanistan, Jordan turns to me and says "Look what you've done to me... That was like, touching!"


I'm glad his own emotions distracted him from the tears welling up in my eyes.


I promise we're doing more than watching t.v..... I'll update about those adventures later. (probably when Jordan falls asleep early again tomorrow night...)

Spouse Sleepover

Spring break is this week, and I decided that since we'll be working the whole time, we deserved a little vacation from the monotony.... We're in Jackson Hole right now... but that's another story. The solution? A spouse sleepover! Yes, I realize we have "sleepovers" every night, but this was different. 

We ate tons of junk food and watched movies and slept on the floor and I tried to have a massage train (meaning Jordan would start at my feet and work his way up.... he wasn't into it), and slept in way too late.

 Isn't that what any great sleepover looks like?

Jordan was given this on Monday

I told him to smile.... I bet you can't even tell it's forced, right?

Our Menu:

Pigs in a Blanket 

Quesadillas

Cheesy Garlicy French Bread

Jalapeño Cream Cheese Poppers

Spinach Artichoke Dip with Pita Chips

Veggies and Dip

Sparkling Pineapple Juice (this was my gram Morgan's fav.... Pineapple Juice with Sprite. Fancy, I know.)

Dessert:

Mini Cupcakes 

Rice Crispy Treats

Grapes

Bananas

Cinnamon Hot Lips

Chocolate Fondue 

OK, so it's not the most refined menu, but then again, neither are our palates.

We gorged ourselves with enough refined carbohydrates to last us till our next sleepover-- I was thinking we should make it annual thing-- and then woke up with body aches good enough to make us question that whole annual thing....

Goodness he looks young! Oh wait... he kinda is. Fitting for the occasion, I suppose.

oh no you di'int

"My biggest fear in life is getting fat."


If i hear/read this one more time, imagonnasplode.


Do you really live in a bubble so small that there is nothing else in this world scary enough to irk you?

Not touching the lives of those around you?

Losing loved ones too early?
Living a life easily forgotten?
Natural disasters?
Rapists?
Anything?


Sheesh.


It's a shallow world we live in, my friends.




sorry for all my ranting these days.... my period must be coming or something.

20

I've officially made it to two whole decades.


No longer a teen bride....

...breakthrough...

I may have had a breakthrough people (or should I say... universe, since no one is actually reading)...


This weekend Jordan and I went down to spend Saturday night and Sunday with his family. His mom was having a family party at the house on Sunday (for Valentines and all the birthdays they've had in the family the past month), so we went to support her and to finally give the little brothers their overdue gifts.


When we arrived, everyone was sitting around in the kitchen, discussing the plans. Frankie (Jordan's mom) said to me "For your birthday, I want to take you shopping!"


It's at this moment that I felt the cold sweat and hives break out.


You see. I hate clothes shopping as it is. I haven't found much joy in wandering around crowded malls, and then, on the off chance of finding something cute (or at least wearable) undressing in front of mirrors that somehow make you look 20 pounds heavier and lighting that magically finds your every dimple and mark. Not fun.


What could be worse you ask?


Doing this with my size 2 (literally) mother-in-law.


Now you understand.


So when the suggestion of going shopping was presented, panic immediately consumed me. I started in on the list of dozens of excuses if this were to ever occur:


Me: "I'm really picky when it comes to clothes."


Frankie: "I understand, so am I. You don't have to get anything if you don't love it, but we'll just go look and try things on to see."


Me: "But when I go shopping I usually don't even find anything worth trying on."


Frankie: "That's OK. I spent hours shopping for your birthday already, and I can't come up with anything.


Me: "I need glasses for the kitchen!"


Frankie: "OK, we'll look at those too. I want to get you things you can wear to your new job. I know you have to dress up."


Me: "I actually went shopping when I got the job, so I've pretty much gotten everything I need."


Frankie: "A girl can never have enough clothes."


Needless to say, there was no getting out of it. And apparently, Jordan didn't do my dirty work (like I've insisted dozens of times) telling his mother that I will never want clothes as a gift. Ever.


I succumbed to the pressure, and agreed to go.


We walked around the mall, and I made it out without trying a single thing on. It was glorious. I think she realized there may never come a day when I want to shop for clothes with her, so she agreed to go to BB&B to look for home goods. We drove off to find glasses that wouldn't melt in my dishwasher.


I could've gotten off easy. But, I realized I'll never learn to accept myself living like this. So what if my mother-in-law thinks I'm fat and hideous? If she does, that's only a reflection of her, not me.


I also knew I couldn't justly blog about learning to love my imperfections if I wasn't taking any steps to do so.


I got brave and admitted to her that I was in desperate need of jeans.


She was elated.


To make an already long story a little shorter, we went, we shopped, we conquered. And it wasn't even bad. She was so kind and accepting, and I even felt like I was on the verge of being comfortable doing this with her.


What a big step, eh?


For being such a big girl, she even got me those glasses.

this day in history

It was one year ago today that Jordan proposed-- can I get a whoop whoop?! Love you, J-Dub. 


Here's to an eternity more with this handsome man.

p.s. looky what I found on my computer! OW OW!!!